Big Bad Show

[Doc]

So i got bored. the gang tries to kick Buffy out during SAeason 7. And run into a 7 foot tall, 500 pound speed bump who happens to be her uncle. Woops. PG



The large man stepped gingerly up the stairs, scowling as the wood groaned under his feet. “Why didn’t Joyce get these reinforced?” he muttered as he made it to the door, pressing on the buzzer. He was quite surprised when neither of his nieces opened the door, instead a unknown brunette looked up at him in surprise. “Is Buffy or Dawn Summers here?”
“Um…Buffy doesn’t live here anymore,” the girl said before closing the door. The large man scowled at the door and pressed the doorbell again. Once more, the unknown brunette answered.
“What about Dawn?” He asked.
“She’s not seeing anyone right now,” once again the door was slammed in his face. The big man scowled, turning the door knob. Locked. Right. That’s enough of this, he thought, taking a step back.

Amanda walked towards the living room, where everyone was discussing what to do now. Personally, the situation with Buffy getting kicked out didn’t sit well, but she had been firmly out…
BANG! Amanda turned in shock as the door flew open, the large man from earlier walking in with a rather pissed off look on his face.
“Who the hell are you people?” he demanded. “Where the hell are my nieces?” Amanda heard the sound of weapons being drawn. The big guy didn’t look too worried. Amanda didn’t blame him.
“I’m sorry, nieces?” Giles asked. The tall guy scowled at him.
“Buffy and Dawn Summers. Where the hell are they?”
“That’s Buffy’s uncle?” One of the SiT’s said.
“Guess now we know where the tall genes went,” Xander muttered. The big guy looked at Xander angrily.
“You got something you wanna say, Cyclops?” He growled, drawing to his full height. Amanda’s jaw dropped. He’d stooped to enter the house?
“Jesus tapdancing Christ it’s a frikkin’ ogre!” Someone gasped.
“That’s not an ogre,” Anya said matter-of-factly. “He’s human. Just a big human.”
“Now, where…”
“Uncle Paul?” Dawn said as she looked from the top of the stairs. “W-what are you doing here?”
“Buffy called, saying there was trouble. She wanted me to get you out of Sunnydale,” he explained. “Vince’s already okayed it. Where’s your sister?”
“Gone,” Dawn said with tears in her eyes. “I did a stupid, stupid thing and now she’s gone, and she won’t come back.”
“Dawn…” Giles warned. At that point Andrew walked into the room. And stopped, his eyes running up the giant 7 foot frame in front of him, till he reached an all to familiar face.
“Oh…my…” Andrew began. “Y-you’re the Big Show…” and he promptly fainted.
Paul ‘Big Show’ Wight looked at the fallen geek for a minute before turning his massive 7 foot 1 inch, 500 pound frame to stare at the gang. “Somebody want to explain what the hell’s going on here?”

[Jessy]

*laughter fills the echoing chambers that represent my mind*

[Doc]

You like that or something, Jess?

[Doc]

Vineyard
Later
Okay, Buffy thought. Let’s do a check here.
Find weapon that almost sings to her? Check.
Get beaten around by insane super priest? Check.
Said insane super priest currently imbedded in a wall? Not a part of the foreseen plan. Buffy looked up at the massive form of her uncle, who looked fit to be tied.
“Uncle Paul?”
“You ever do something like this again, I’m so grounding you on behalf of you’re parents,” he said.
“Can you even ground a 22 year old?” Buffy asked.
“Try me.”
“Okay, you could,” Buffy conceded. “But you’re supposed to be getting Dawn out of here.”
“And I will,” Paul said. “Once we get the magic axe and drop it with you’re so called ‘friends’, we’re all leaving.”
“But…”
“No buts,” Paul said, squaring his shoulders as Caleb got up. “Grab the damn thing, dump the priest, then we leave. Got it?”
“Yes sir…” Buffy mumbled, walking over to eh rock and the axe held within.
“That’s mine!” Caleb roared, moving towards her. Show stepped forward and grabbed him by the throat, lifting him from the ground.
“Back. The hell. Off!” He ordered, throwing Caleb back into the wall. Buffy winced as she retrieved the axe.
“Let me finish this,” she said, stepping forward. She needed to finish this herself. Paul nodded, stepping aside as the pseudo priest charged. She swung the axe up, catching him in the groin. With one last push, she sliced him completely in half.
“That was a bit extreme,” Show said. Buffy shrugged.
“He had to split.”

Later
Revello Drive
Buffy held the axe/sword/stake thingy tightly. Now she had this, the guys would take her back. She wouldn’t have to go with Uncle Paul, and Dawn would be safe. Everyone…
“…Don’t have to go with him, Dawny,” Xander voice could be heard as they approached the door.
“Xander, Buffy’s right,” Dawn said tiredly. It sounded like they’d been having this argument for a while.
“Here’s the last of your sisters bags, Dawn,” Joe, Show’s bus driver could be heard.
“Thanks Joe,” Dawn said.
“Look, Dawn, you watch,” Xander continued. “Your sister will come back completely agreeing with us any moment now,” Buffy’s jaw dropped. She could here Paul’s teeth grinding together behind her as Xander continued. “We all agreed she was acting irrationally. This was the best way to get her thinking. She needed this lesson. She won’t be able to move on the vineyard successfully without us, and we all know there’s nothing…”
The next sound was a loud thud as the axe in Buffy’s hand went flying through the air, burying itself in the wall. Everyone inside ran to the kitchen, looking first at the axe, then at a very angry Buffy, who was stalking up the stairs, Paul behind her.
“Acting irrationally?” Buffy demanded, her voice rising with every word. “Needed this lesson? Nothing there?” she pointed at the axe. “THAT was in the basement stuck in a rock. The basement of the vineyard EXACTLY like I said there’d be something there. In case any of you supposed ‘friends’ of mine even care, I almost DIED getting that, hoping you’d believe me. Obviously that was a waste of time.”
“Buffy…” Giles began.
“Save it,” Buffy snapped. “I’m not interested. You want to do this without me, fine. You can all go to hell. Just don’t get the rest of us sucked down with you.”
“Just finished packing, Boss,” Joes said, coming in and noticing the stunned mullet expressions on the gang’s faces. “Ready to go?”
“Definitely, Joe,” Buffy said, walking past her so-called friends. “Faith, they’re all yours. Spike, Take care of her.”
“Got it, pet,” Spike said with a grin. ‘Bout time this pillocks got put in there places. “Sure you don’t want me comin’ with?”
“I’ll be fine, Spike,” Buffy said, looking at him. “Just watch her back,” she shot a glare at the gather Scoobies and SITs. “Someone has to,” with that parting shot, she walked out of the house, and the lives of her former friends, Paul and Dawn following. Joe looked at them, laughed and walked to the bus, muttering something under his breath about ‘stupid kids’.
Faith looked at the gathering before pulling the axe out of the wall. “Don’t you guys feel dumb?” She said, bouncing the weapon in her hand.

[Jessy]

They'll all die and then she'll feel bad. I don't like this Xander so much. Or this Buffy. They'll all die now...

[Doc]

Nah. Faith'll pick up the pieces (I always thought she just needed Buffy to step back so she could shine), Buffy'll get a job and Xander will start to feel bad. I think this particular Xander is what Joss was aiming for season 7.

[Jessy]

I don't think Xander's that mean. Xander's the one who defends Buffy afterwards, isn't he?

[Ashley]

I need to re-watch season 7 now.

[Doc]

He's also, if i remember correctly, the first of the gang to speak in favour of her leaving.

[Jessy]

Gah! *covers Xander's ears* Don't listen to the man, pet.

[Doc]

lol

[Jessy]

I wuv my xander-wander.